Note: This announcement is fictitious and has been written for satirical purposes.

After the overwhelmingly positive response to the updated bell system (including the relaxing yet urgent thirty-second warning and the simplistic and stylish announcement alert sound), the Westwood Staff have decided to increase the variety of the bell sounds that are played. These new sounds include:

• Church bells
• Musical triangles
• Doorbell chimes
• Wind chimes
• Drums
• Whistle-blowing
• Air horns
• Tumbleweed rustling
• Wind wooshing
• Sonar pings
• Glass shattering
• Animal screams
• Heart monitor flatlines
• Air-raid sirens
• Ominous countdowns
• Jet engines
• The silence of the V O I D

The Westwood staff are hoping that these new sounds can help students maintain a focused learning environment while still being able to signal the passage of time in this educational penitentiary.

In addition to new bell sounds, the school bells will now ring more frequently and at different times to ease the feeling of being trapped within a cruel time-based anomaly from which there is no escape. These times include:

• Every hour
• Before and after lunch periods
• Five minutes before the end of a class period
• Five minutes before the second block announcements
• Once per second in the final ten seconds before a new class period (On Fridays, the ominous countdowns will always play)
• Once every minute starting at 4:15 PM
• At 4:25 PM

The staff hope that this more consistent schedule will allow for an improved learning environment where students and staff alike can keep track of where they should be going at which times.

Have a nice day and remember: GO WOOD!